Heterosexual Questionnaire

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide that you were heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of in time?
4. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
5. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
6. Do your parents know that you are straight? When did you tell them? What about your friends and room-mates?
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
9. Why do heterosexuals feel so compelled to introduce others into their lifestyle through constant scenes of heterosexual sex in the media?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
12. Despite all the societal support for marriage, the divorce rate and the rates of family violence are spiralling. Why are heterosexuals so incapable of forming stable relationships?
13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted disease. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run such a high risk of disease and pregnancy?
14. How can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?
15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how can the human race survive if everyone is heterosexual?
16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel that she or he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her or his own leanings?
17. There seems to be few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy?
18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems he or she is bound to face?

 (Written by Shane from QueerAttitude.net)

random stuff you havent’ answered before

where do you clip your nails?: Bathroom, where else.
If you were a troll, what color would your hair be?: Lime green.
who is the sexiest muppet?: Miss Piggy, no doubt.
Your thoughts upon being stuck in an ice cooler for three days?: “I just ate all your candy. Take that!”
what do you hoard?: Random broken objects. Anything pretty or unconventional. Pictures.
what color is your boogie man?: Brown. Like in TNBC.
why did your imaginary friend stop playing with you?: No idea.
when you die, do you want an open casket?: Maybe.
what was the last dare you took?: “I bet you can’t lick your own foot!”
Have you ever taken advantage of being teahcer’s pet?: Yep.
have you ever gotten a body part stuck in a strange place?: Ah, yes. VCR.
tell us about your favorite cousin: Hm, he’s really tiny and adorable. He can be really clingy but overrall he’s a smart little kid, I wish he was my brother.
what flavor do you wish toothpaste came in?: Bubblegum! I used to have one.
have you ever written something clever on a cast?: Nope. lame.
where was the last rash you had?: My legs
If you could have a tail, which animal’s would it resemble?: A cat’s.
what material, other than water, would you love to immerse yourself in?: Pink plastic or red vinyl.
who would you love to wrestle?: Chuck Norris.
who would you love to bite?: A certain boy artist I know of, the HoH model. In non-mean ways.
which “Futurama” character do you wish were real?: Leela. She’s kick-ass.
If you could fly, which substance would you fling at people from the air?: Green goo.
When you hear “Muffin man” what image comes to mind?: A dancing muffin.
What is your favorite playing card?: Dame de pique.
Last words you would say before you die in a sword fight: “And now… I shall leave.”
ways you have fantasized murdering someone: Stabbing.
what do you have pictures of on your jammies?: Sheep, teddy bears.
what’s your favorite thing to break?: Glass.
do you lie about your weight on your driver’s license?: AHA no.
how much is the most you’ve spent at one time at the dollar store?: Like £30.
If you had a switch on you, what would it’s purpose be?: Brilliant thoughts on/off.

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